literature

Too Much of a Good Thing

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Literature Text

"We could use the hide," she argued quietly with him, the deer oblivious to the conversation.  "And the meat will be a welcome addition to the stewpot."

Farkas sighed in frustration.  "We already have all of that armor from that ruin, Khay, and the swords, and the tankards and the brooms and the ruined books-"

"And you've been a very good sport," she whispered soothingly, patting her husband as he hunkered under the enormous weight.  "Now just let me get this deer, and we can go, all right?"

He nodded grudgingly, and without further ado she took aim, grinning-

A gust of wind pushed her arrow up just enough to whiz by the startled deer, which took off into a run.

Khay cursed and began sprinting after it, never one to let the prey go.

Over the hill, a wolf howled, and then another, and Farkas groaned to himself as he shouldered the load of wooden plates and embalming tools.  Honestly, who'd eat off of a plate that'd sat for centuries with the undead?  He'd tried to reason with her-

Breaking into a run, he silently cursed acquisitive Redguard women as his wife chased the deer, and was chased by the wolves.

A low scream alerted him to the presence of a saber-toothed cat, and he turned, taking Wuuthrad in his hands.

"No problem!" she shouted, sprinting from the deer's corpse to engage the wolves with a lusty grin.

A roar from the river announced the arrival of a cave bear, and Farkas groaned as he took the saber-toothed cat down with one blow.

"It's fine," she shouted, and he wanted to throttle her.

A sudden gust of cold air and a flapping of wings announced the arrival of a DRAGON, at which his wife screamed in delight and began to fire arrows at the damned thing.

He was going to kill her if they lived through this.

At least there weren't any spiders...yet.

Twenty minutes later, surrounded by corpses, his indefatigable wife seemingly rejuvenated by the absorption of a dragon soul, she began to skin the first of the beasts.

"You know we can't carry all of this and the dragonbones, too," he said, and she gave him a flash of dazzling teeth in her brown face, yellow paint announcing her tribal affiliation with the Ra Gada.  "We'll make it work," she said confidently.

The next day saw raised voices and flagging tempers.

"The wolfskin or the tankards, Khay, not both, he said for the hundredth time, and she worried her lip.

"But it won't be here when I get back," she said, pouting visibly.

"Nobody's going to buy the damned tankards!  Or the plates, or the brooms, or the burned books!" he said in frustration.

She gave him a look that urged him to reconsider, and not for the first time, Farkas wondered if perhaps a smarter man would have thought twice before marrying the Dragonborn.
A bit of Skyrim crack!fic. Because this absolutely happens. Written for the prompt:

Give me any and all minifills about your weirdest Skyrim moments. I'll start off below.
© 2012 - 2024 katiebour
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kitiaramajere's avatar
Oddly, that sounded like a WoW moment with me and my husband, rofl!